Writing 2 - By Fakheri

          writing3 
            بازدید : 62
          سه شنبه 23 خرداد 1391
           نظرات (4)
        

Some of the people don’t know the effects of smoking on heart, lung, Blood Vessels and their general healths.

And I think that the most people agree with Prohibition of the smoking in the office and public places because we know the tobacco smoke is far more dangerous for nonsmokers , Especially for Children, pregnant woman, Respiratory diseases , …

According to research of Scientifics the Smoking causes of deaths the Patients with lung cancer (From these statistics, men are about 10 percent more than women) and that is Effective on other types of cancer .

Therefore the best ways for Promote community health are Prohibition of smoking in the public places and offices, Prevent of cigarette and other substances of Tobacco production and finally fines of smokers.

ارسال نظر برای این مطلب

	این نظر توسط ahmad abedi در تاریخ 1348/10/11 و 9:27 دقیقه ارسال شده است

			Healths should be health (office and public places) should be (offices and other public places) This text is the best: (we know that tobacco smoke has some more dangerous series results for nonsmoker’s health) This text is the best: Especially for Children, pregnant women and Respiratory patients This text is the best: According to researches of Scientists, the Smoking causes Patients to death with lung cancer (Of course based on this research, men are more vulnerable than women) and that is effective on other types of cancers. This text is the best: Therefore the best way for health Promote community is Prohibition of smoking in public places and offices and Preventing of smoking and other substances of Tobacco production and finally receiving fines from smokers.

	این نظر توسط در تاریخ 1348/10/11 و 10:11 دقیقه ارسال شده است

			Healths should be health (office and public places) should be (offices and other public places) This text is the best: (we know that tobacco smoke has some more dangerous series results for nonsmoker’s health) This text is the best: Especially for Children, pregnant women and Respiratory patients This text is the best: According to researches of Scientists, the Smoking causes Patients to death with lung cancer (Of course based on this research, men are more vulnerable than women) and that is effective on other types of cancers. This text is the best: Therefore the best way for health Promote community is Prohibition of smoking in public places and offices and Preventing of smoking and other substances of Tobacco production and finally receiving fines from smokers.

	این نظر توسط Firouz Daneshian در تاریخ 1348/10/11 و 11:47 دقیقه ارسال شده است

			(line 1) "Some of the people" has to be "Some people" (line 2) "healths" has no plural form. (line 3) "And" is not allowed as the first word in a sentence (line 5) "pregnant woman" should be "pregnant women" (line 6) "the Smoking causes of " must be "Smoking is the major cause of"

	این نظر توسط Saeideh Totonchian در تاریخ 1348/10/11 و 11:59 دقیقه ارسال شده است

			Ithink we don't need THAT after think(I think that the most people )&THE in undescript situation(the most people ... or the smoking ... )and for adj(the Patients).I think again just women became pregnant and we shouldn't wrote prenant women .And Scientifics or Patients is adj and we can't use "s"for adjs.